HELP ME!!!

Imagine, if you will, you're sleeping in your warm, comfortable bed. It's a little after 1 a.m. and you've been sleeping for about 3 hours at this point. You're dreaming about where to place ambulances for your baseball teams. You're looking at a map, and you put your final team's ambulance in the last spot on Long Island when you're awakened by a shrill voice screaming "HELP ME!!! HELLLLLLPPPPMEEEEEE!"

You, and the dog sleeping at the foot of the bed, snap to attention...
(Initials shown for context: L=Lynn, Z=Zach, T=Theo the dog)

Z: "What?! WHAT??? WHAT'S WRONG!??"

L: Frantically: "THEY'RE GOING TO SEND AND AMBULANCE!!"

T: "BARK!"

Z: "WHO?? WHAT???!!!"

L: "HELP ME TURN THIS OFF! THEY'RE GOING TO SEND AN AMBULANCE!! WE HAVE TO CHANGE THE CHANNEL!!!!!"

T: "BARK!"

Your darling wife fumbles with the remote and finally changes the channel. The room goes from Red to White and you hear and see a woman screaming at a man:

Actor: "Que la respete? Héctor por favor! Como te atreves a traerla a mi casa? A revolcarte con ella en mi cama. Por lo menos te la hubieras llevado a un motel, no? Tú y yo tenemos que hablar en cuanto esta mujerzuela..." (This might not be the exact spanish program that was shown, but it's a good representation of what my foggy brain remembers at 1 a.m.)

We are fully awake at this point. We look at each other and bust out laughing.

Z: "WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?!?"

T: "Yeah what the fuck was that mom?" Oh, I mean "Bark."

L: "They were going to send an ambulance!"

Z: "Who? The TV was going to send one?"

L: "Yeah, I had to turn the channel." ~ giggles.

Z: "Ummmm, yeah you know that the TV can't do that, right?" ~ full on laughing.

L: "I needed to turn the channel or they would send one!" ~ she could hardly get this sentence out because she was laughing so hard.

Now we're both ACTUALLY awake and we realize what happened. We compare notes and giggles and try to make sense of everything. We both had a hard time getting back to sleep because we were laughing so hard. I will never let her live this one down.

I found the infomercial that infected our bedroom (or a trailer for it anyway) this morning on YouTube. It answered so many questions (like the frequent use of red as a background color to highlight certain things, which you can see in the trailer). This is only 3-minutes, but I'm pretty sure we were well into the half-hour version when we experienced the incident.

I just hope all my baseball teams are covered...