Member of the Tribe

Family, ethnicity, where you live, political party, your favorite sports team, these are just some of the ways we can be sliced up into a group. Intentional or not, that's just the way it goes, whether you like it or not. I don't think most people are malicious about it, but if you're not able to be put into a group, people seem to get itchy.

I keep saying, when describing my daughter's high school experience so far, that she just hasn't "found her people" yet. She's not sporty, she's not really a theater nerd (even though she is), she's not a cheerleader, she doesn't fit into any of the stereo-typical boxes. She's got plenty of time to figure it out. I hope she does.

But every time I say that, it gets me thinking, where do I belong? In High School, I felt like I had a sense of belonging. I had great close friends (a lot of which are still friends, though not as close when you don't live in the same town). I had great relationships with a diverse cross-section of people. Sometimes it felt like a United Colors Of Benetton advertisement.

If you read my bio on the socials, I always say I am a WI boy/AZ man. And I feel that so much. I feel like there is a demarcation point of when I was a "youth" and when I became a "man". I grew up once I moved out from under the overarching parental umbrella of my family to Arizona. It didn't feel like it at the time, but looking back on it I can definitely see it. Even my job in Wisconsin felt like a parental situation. My boss was very motherly and treated us as such. Once I got out to the other side of that, I felt like a grownup.

My family is fairly small so I've never had a super strong bond around them. I grew up Catholic but gave that up as soon as I could. I never felt any connection to that whole scene. I don't identify as a Republican, but I don't feel particularly Democratic either. I was always a pretty big Arizona Coyotes fan but they were ripped away from us last year. (It still hurts.) I follow other sports but I'm not a superfan of anything in particular. The Edmonton Oilers are who I would describe as "my team".

My wife is a Detroit Lions fan. She has been for years. She'll give you a song and dance about how Barry Sanders was awesome, blah blah blah, but in reality, she had a boyfriend who was a fan. Hence, she became a fan. (I only mention this because people always ask how she grew up in Wisconsin and became a Lions fan.) They're having a banner year and she is obviously excited. I'm excited for her. She's never given up hope, she has stuck with them for a long time. In her excitement, she bought me a shirt. There's a particular shirt in a particular fabric that she knows that I like. (Every team in every league probably has a shirt like this, I have a few Coyotes and an ASU shirt in the same fabric. That's how she knows I'd wear this shirt.)

Normally I wear these things at home (mostly as pajama tops) and no one sees me. So I don't ever think anything about it. But when we were in Mexico last month I wore it the day they played. Again, I didn't think anything of it. I put it on and went about my day.

As I was walking through the pool area to our seats, someone (or rather a gaggle of people) screamed from the water "WOOOOOHOOOOOO!!! GO LIONS!!!!" And I had to think about it for a second. Were they screaming at me? They were! I'm wearing a Lions shirt! I panicked, I didn't know what to do or say right away. I mostly just kept walking and let out an unenthusiastic "go lions..." I do watch their games, I am a fan. I want to see them succeed. I'd love to see them play and win the Superbowl. But they're not my team. I felt like a fraud. Unless they take it all the way, I'll never be seen in that shirt outside of my house. It's not them, it's me.

And deep down, I think we all want to be part of a group. I've been searching for my people for a while, and I still haven't really found them. The Food Nerds are probably the closest, though that has seemed to fizzle out lately. Efforts are being made to get it going again, but it's been a slow burn. I used to have the Scooter club but that's a story for another time.

So I'll just keep on searching. That's the cool thing about life: you can reinvent yourself at any time. Maybe this time, I'll be an astronaut. Or a race car driver. Yeah, a race car driver sounds fun. Time to get that Porsche I've always wanted... Oh snap, that's also a story for another time! I guess I need to write more often. See you then!