I love the show "Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist" which used to air on Comedy Central. And along with "Our lady of perpetual acceleration, don't fail us now..." from "The Blues Brothers", the other phrase I repeat (literally every time I travel) is from a relatively unknown comic named Barry Sobel who appeared on DKPT. He's talking about how he met a gate agent who was unsympathetic to his loss of luggage while at the airport. You can watch it here.

I've only had a luggage kerfuffle once in my life. (Knock on wood.) I flew from Phoenix to Miami, and then Miami to Madrid, Spain. I went to run with (from) the bulls in Pamplona. (I'll have to tell that story here sometime. It was crazy.) It wasn't a super big deal, and I got my bags a couple days later. When flying internationally, through connecting flights, different airlines, you get the picture, it's not always going to go smoothly. And on the bright side, I have a great story to tell. Didn't always feel fun in the moment, but looking back it made for an interesting part of my trip.

I've been traveling a bit this year, but I need a vacation. A real vacation. Not a let's go somewhere and check it all out vacation. I love exploring, but I'm simply not looking for that kind of vacation. Those kinds of vacations are lovely. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy them. We just went to Seattle a few months ago. Los Angeles before that. It might be the other way around but you get my point. You fly  (or drive) to another city, rent an AirBnb, setup shop there, and then go explore. Again, it's fun. But I'm looking for something different.

We go back to Wisconsin a lot. That's not a vacation. We do try to maybe go someplace with our friends for a long weekend or something. But that's mostly to get out of the house so we don't kill Lynn's parents or they don't kill us. They're not as patient as they once were with us or our children. And god forbid we bring garbage or leftover food into the house. So it's pretty stressful. Not the vacation I'm looking for.

I love going on a cruise. I know it's not for everyone but for me it is nice to unpack your bags once and be delivered to lots of places. Oh and on the way you can stuff your face full of amazing food anytime you want. Oh, and you'll be entertained the whole trip by the cruise staff whose only job is to make sure you have a good time. And dollar for dollar it's probably the cheapest way to travel. And as lovely as this all sounds, this also isn't what I'm looking for.

I want to plop my fat ass on a chair, in the sun, in front of a pool. You'll notice I said pool and not beach. I don't love the beach. Sand. Yuck. It just get's fucking everywhere you don't want it to be. And saltwater is just, I don't know, the beach is just stressful to me. Plus that's where fish fuck and I don't want any part of that... I do love an ocean view though. So if there's a pool, in front of the ocean, then even better.

I think it's in Bora Bora where they have those bungalows over the ocean. Mexico has a couple as well. There's a long ass pier with little rooms on either side. They're literally over the water so yeah, there's a great view of the ocean. I know some of them even have a pool or spa in the room as well. Even better yet! So you can like wake up in the morning and take a plunge in your pool (or the ocean if you nasty) with your morning wood... That sounds amazing to me. They look to be realtively private so if I'm walking around as god intended (nekkid) I think I'd be fairly comfortable knowing there's enough privacy. But as long as I'm not gonna get arrested IDGAF about my neighbors checking out my doodle. Brandt can't watch though, or he has to pay a hundred.

Be it Bora Bora or Mexico, I am going to one of these places. Soon. I'm gonna drink daiquiris and eat fish tacos. I'm gonna read a book or two. Catch up on some Dwell mags that I've missed. And just fucking relax for a week. I'm gonna put away my phone, unplug my computer, and just chill the fuck out for a few days. So this is me manifesting that vacation. Now all I need are me, and my bags...

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