Sometimes I feel so out of touch with my kids. Stuff seems to come out of left field but in reality, it's that they don't talk to me about stuff. So it makes me feel way worse than it should... And I shouldn't feel that way... I'm working through some feelings about some things that recently happened...
Let me explain a few things. I love my kids more than anything. They have no idea how many ways I've altered my own life and sacrificed my own happiness for them. I'm not trying to sound like a martyr here. But everything I do, I do for them. My only existence is to serve them. Of course, I'm a person, too. I find some time for self-care every now and again. ;)
One more thing, then. I hate the television/movie tropes, "Keep your hands off my daughter, or I'll shoot you with my gun! Pew-pew!" or the "I'm a big tough guy and I'll break you like a stick if you xyz with my daughter..." C'mon. So stupid. I would have been shot in the face 100 times before I was 18 if this were a real thing... You're going to physically harm me because your daughter is trying to express her own sexuality? First of all, I'm a pacifist at heart. I don't think violence is ever the answer. Period. Just tell your daughter you love her and give her a hug, maybe then she won't be trying to fill the giant hole in her heart by filling her holes with dicks... LOL. That made me laugh. But it was kind of gross, especially in this context. I almost re-wrote it but it does illustrate my point, so I'm gonna leave it.
Anywho, Lyza called her mother this week (during school hours) with a question... She had been asked on a "date" and she was seeking permission to go. Of course she granted her permission, so she and the boy worked out a plan to have dinner over the weekend at Red Robin. They're in 8th grade so I knew this would start happening eventually, but it did come out of left field. I've gotta give the boy props, he shot his shot with her and asked her out. It's more than I would have done back in my day. Of course, I went on dates, we just didn't call them dates. We "hung out". And I hung out, plenty.
When I first heard this was happening, I was freaking out a little bit. I puffed my chest up a little bit and was getting ready to be a stereotype. I was ready to be that dad who threatened violence to the boy if he tried any funny business... This was short-lived. I came to my senses pretty quickly once I realized what was really going on. I felt powerless. The idea of her having dinner with someone made me mental. Mostly because this would be the bird leaving the nest. And papa bird wouldn't be there to protect her. Once I figured it out I calmed down.
I tried talking to her about it when she got home from school that day. How it made her feel. If she "liked" him liked him...? What did the other boy who she used to "date" think of this? What the plan would be for the date? And so many more questions... Of course, she didn't want to talk about any of that... Getting defensive and argumentative when I broached the subject. So I pick my battles with her and when she's ready to talk about it, she'll be ready.
The date happened on Saturday. She wore a red dress and put on her makeup. She was nervous. She doesn't "like him" like him. He's just a friend. I don't think he knows this yet. (I know this because she finally did talk about it with me.) We gave her some topics to talk about during the date. She said they did talk about them. She brought home some chicken fingers and fries. So she did eat a little bit. We were worried she would order wings. (Which she loves with BBQ sauce and is very messy when she eats them.) I think they had a good time.
She got a ride home from the boy's stepdad and grandmother. I happened to be checking the mailbox and then Auntie and Arden showed up from their dinner together. And we all happened to be outside when they dropped her off. It truly was pure coincidence. I said Hello to the dad (who also had a "Follow me, I do stupid shit" sticker on his car) and Grandma. We were going out for a birthday party so I was wearing a crushed blue velvet jacket, so I don't know what they must've thought of me. The boy got out and said goodbye. Then we all went inside. The boy was wearing a button-up shirt and looked nice. Again, I have to give him props for asking her out definitively and then executing the plan. Not a lot of kids would have the chutzpah to do that. He looked to be a good kid.
At their dinner, the stepdad and Grandma sat a few tables away so color me J-to-the-ealous. I would have loved to have been there. It was nice that he snapped a couple of photos and texted them to Lynn. I was so appreciative of that. I don't know that this will go anywhere official but I'm so glad that they both got to experience this milestone together.
I want my children to be liked and loved in the ways that I like and love them, and more! They deserve it! They're great people! I should know, I'm raising them. I am so lucky to get to see the real them that not many people get to see. I want them to explore this side of life and love. It's called living! Lyza is shy, so this was a big step for her. But once you get to know her, she's pretty amazing. I hope she comes out of her shell a little bit so she can experience some of the same things her peers are experiencing. She's slower than a lot of her peers in a lot of ways. I have a feeling that she'll catch up soon.