It's Christmastime, the season of giving and receiving, joy and merriment. For most, it’s a time to celebrate with family and friends, to exchange thoughtful gifts, and to bask in the holiday spirit. But for me, this season is also a huge source of anxiety. It’s not just the pressure to find the perfect gifts, but the anxiety that comes with receiving them too. The idea of expectations, the fear of disappointing others, or even the worry about how to express gratitude - it all adds up. While others might find excitement in the holiday cheer, I often find myself caught up in the stress of trying to navigate it all.
You'd think it's easy to receive a gift. Person gives it to you, you open it, say thank you and move on. That's how most people receive a gift. I have to analyze it. Why this gift? Why this color? Why, why why...? This is how my brain works. It doesn't happen all the time, but it does happen. If it's something that I've taken an interest in, I don't have to fake enthusiasm and I understand why the gift was chosen almost immediately. Or if it's something I've asked for, then obviously I can process it quickly. But if you surprise me with something or if I don't get gifts from you regularly, I will probably analyze the hell out of it. Maybe not right away, but eventually I'll get to overthinking it.
It's pretty easy to figure out if you put any thought into it at all. Sometimes I'll have to paint a fake smile on my face, and feign appreciation. Other times I'm genuinely happy that I've received such a treasure and the smile is real. But either way I'll smile and say thank you. If I'm being honest, in general, processing a gift is kind of exhausting.
Before I start this next section, I'm required to say that I appreciate every gift that is given to me. And that I'm not trying to sound ungrateful. I'm just trying to explain how my brain processes these things. Honestly, I am appreciative, but I was given a gift this year that made me go, WTF? Almost immediately. And it's not the gift itself, it's the thought and meaning and time spent behind it that made me question it all... And I'm appreciative of the gift, it's a nice gift. But I know that this gift was purchased to check a box off of their list. And I know this person has a lot going on. And I don't know what goes on in their head, so I can't be too upset about the whole situation. Again, I appreciate the gift. Because I can empathize about choosing the right gift. And before you ask, I'm not going to say the gift or who gave it to me. Again, please don't ask...
I too, have a hard time giving gifts, with my ADHD getting in the way (which more and more looks like AuDHD, the more I understand both the autism spectrum and ADHD). I get in my head that it's got to be 'perfect'. I also don't listen very well, so I can't always pick up on the nuances that people express. So if you're into trains or something, I might not pick up on that (unless I know you really well). So someone will either have to tell me what you're into, or I have to figure something out for myself. Most of the time, I'll just look for something that I like or something that I'm into. Then I get laser focused on it, and I search and search. And search. And hem. And haw. Then I might find one or two things but never purchase them, because it's not perfect. Then, because so much time has passed, I'm screwed because I didn't find the perfect gift in time, so I'll have to settle for something super lame. Or I'll have to pay extra for expedited shipping. Or I'll just give up altogether and pawn it off on someone else. (Purchases in general go through this process, I've spent the better part of today shopping for rugs. I'm so stressed out!)
My wife is often on the receiving end of this nonsense. And god bless her, she smiles through every time. I try to make up for it in other ways and at other times. But she's truely the only one that knows what I really go through. Because I pawn this task off on her more often than not. But she's so good at it, giving gifts. Thoughtful, insightful, picking up the littlest nuance and running with it. If you mentioned that you liked trains four years ago in a 45 second conversation and your favorite color is blue in another conversation 2 years ago, she'll remember and pick out a conductors hat and a blue railroad crossing t-shirt she saw in this cute boutique she was in. She's that good. (Or bad, depending on your perspective.)
Sometimes I'm pretty good too. If I'm lasered in on you, you're getting a good gift from me. But, giving a gift is all about practicality in my head. The more practical the gift, the better. For example, If I see that you have to get out of your car when you pull in your driveway, and get out to use the keypad to open your garage, you're gonna get a new garage door opener from me. I'll probably even program it for you. Yeah that's totally lame, but dammit it's practical and you'll use it everyday. And that makes me so happy. This has never happened, and yes that's a bit of an extreme example, but you get the gist.
This year I gifted my BFF (and myself) matching watches pictured above. It's my favorite present that I gave (and received) this year. I know he's into watches. And jokes. So this is the perfect intersection in his Venn diagram of interests. It's a "parody watch" called "Relax" by Atelier Perpetual, an American watch brand operated somewhere in a California garage by a couple of French and American watch nerds. It's got Seiko movement that looks a hell of a lot like a Rolex. It's good in 0.9 m of water which works out to 3.28 ft. 😂
I had a lot of choices for the face and bezel, but went with the Blue because it represents the color they use on ribbons to support colorectal cancer (which he has a touch of, he's working hard to not have it). I had each of them inscribed with "Movement is Medicine. Don't be a bitch." It's something that I need a reminder of, and he tells me this all the time.
Ok, not all the time, but it's something he says and believes in, and it just reminds me of him. The "Don't be a bitch" part basically means that your family needs you around, so don't be a little bitch and do something stupid like die or something. I know it's a little macabre but it's a nice, albeit crass, way to say it. It was supposed to be a little bigger font but the watch company was implementing a new system to order and inscribe watches and they admitted that they messed up. But it works. The sentiment is there. It also reminds me to Relax, which I also need to be reminded of frequently. I hope he likes it, I know he won't wear it everyday (which is ok) but I hope it gets put into the rotation.
It's his story to tell (which you can start here with), but I was there when he got the call that he's getting a liver from a live donor. We were heading up for a boys weekend to WI Dells to watch Midget Wrestling, eat fancy steaks and crash a furry convention (which is a story for another blog post), and hang out with each other. We were in the car and he put it on speaker. I was in the back seat and knew after the first 3 seconds of the phone call that I should start recording. I had to fight back the tears.
We don't talk about things like that directly with each other a whole lot. He doesn't need the reminder from me that he's sick. He gets enough of that from the rest of the world, so I try not to ask too many questions. His wife and my wife talk enough that I hear most everything. And that's good enough for me. To me he's just my boy. The guy who trades memes and instagram reels and ticky toks with each other.
So the fact that A LOT of people showed up to the testing center to see if they would be a match to be a live donor for him was probably the biggest gift anyone could have received this year. But the fact that a man (who I know his name but won't say here, we'll call him Mr. X) stepped up to do the testing, found out he was a match, and is donating part of his liver to him, is the single most selfless gift I can ever think of.
Giving my friend another shot at life not only effects his immediate family, but his friends (like me), acquaintances, his employees where he works, and the world in general. We need more people like this in the world. But selfishly, I need my boy. And I can't thank him enough. So Mr. X is probably going to be getting a Relax gift box after this is all said and done.
Organ donation kept my step-mom (whom I call Wheezy) alive. She's breathing with a donated lung. She has exceeded medical expectations. She's the other person that keeps me sane. I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't Facetime with her on a regular basis. I'd probably have to start seeing a real therapist.
Remember, you can't take your organs with you. You don't need them after you're gone. There are lots of people still living that could use them. So check that box on your Driver's License. That's a gift that keeps on giving. So don't be afraid to let your family know too.
If you've gotten this far then let me be the first to say "Thank you!" for making it all this way. I hope I didn't come off as a whiney bitch (which is how I feel after reading it.) Please don't stop buying me gifts, I do appreciate them. Just put a little thought into them and we'll be fine. I hope you had a great holiday season and I hope you have an even better 2026! And make sure you put that sticker on your license, or check the box on your renewal, or however your state does organ donation designation. Saving someone's life is the best gift anyone can both give and receive.